That time I bought my brother a Mr. Butts t-shirt (image: Mr. Butts saying “Go ahead, kids! You’re immortal!”) for his birthday and he wore it to third grade, where he was sent to the principal’s office and made to turn it inside-out.

This shit is ridiculous and offensive for many reasons, but the big problem is that Toni Morrison did not mean that Bill Clinton was the “first black president” in a flattering way. She was not saying that he was a particular “friend to African Americans.” She was saying that he displayed the tropes of a particular kind of poor and Southern identity that white Americans read as “black” and that it was on that basis that his affair with Monica Lewinsky became grounds for cultural, if not political, impeachment.

This is what she ACTUALLY SAID: “Years ago, in the middle of the Whitewater investigation, one heard the first murmurs: white skin notwithstanding, this is our first black President. Blacker than any actual black person who could ever be elected in our children’s lifetime. After all, Clinton displays almost every trope of blackness: single-parent household, born poor, working-class, saxophone-playing, McDonald’s-and-junk-food-loving boy from Arkansas… . The message was clear: “No matter how smart you are, how hard you work, how much coin you earn for us, we will put you in your place or put you out of the place you have somehow, albeit with our permission, achieved. You will be fired from your job, sent away in disgrace, and—who knows?—maybe sentenced and jailed to boot. In short, unless you do as we say (i.e., assimilate at once), your expletives belong to us.”

(Source: thenotes)

That time the catladies decided to run a marathon “in honor of” Angela’s blind dad but we were secretly just trying to lose weight.

artyucko:

lifeaquatic:

catbawse:

artyucko:

catbawse:

lifeaquatic:

All women and catbawse. 

“Would you like some bees” - Oprah

“Jonathan Franzen sucks”

“I don’t much care for that James Frey guy” 

“Yes, Tom Cruise, please jump up and down on my furniture. I will pretend it’s normal.”

“Dr. Phil Oz Eckhart Tolle can solve things for you”

Don’t let them take you to a second location.

(Source: bringtheruckuss)

ferrrn:

From the Publishers Weekly review of Ivyland.

My favorite part of Ivyland is when Saucy plots her revenge against some of the most powerful playas in the music industry, never suspecting that her enemies will fight back…and fight back hard.

(via thenotes)

2 sessions of 45/15 to master the sink and counter, clean out the fridge (a little) and clean out my cast-iron skillets!

That time Ann Coulter told a roomful of protesting Smith students that they must have lost their way because “the anal sex lecture is down the hall.”